Java with "Joe Bag of Doughnuts"

Minnesota Nice

This entry was posted on February 7, 2009 6:05 PM and is filed under Life in Tiny Pop.

As some of you may know I have lived in Minnesota for about one year and four months now. Some of you may also know that I am originally from New Jersey, and even fewer still will know that I was born in "Da Bronx" New York. Some likewise know that I am a Sales Rep, and as such I spend much of my time meeting with people, and getting to know them through conversation. It is why I love what I do for a living. I love getting to know new people.

Invariably over the course of a conversation when people find out where I come from originally I get asked two things; the first is why don't I have a New Jersey accent, (it's because there isn't one, not all New Jerseyans talk like the New Yorkers you see in "The Sopranos") and inevitably the second question is what in the heck prompted me to move from New Jersey to the small podunk town I live in in Minnesota. My answer is always the same; it's just nicer out here. It really is.

Now last night I was watching the Movie "Fargo" by the Coen Brothers, and when the movie was over there was a short documentary about the making of the film called "Minesota Nice". Turns out the Coen Brothers were raised in and around the Twin Cities, and as most know the location for the movie centers around Fargo South Dakota, and both Brainerd and Minneapolis Minnesota. What I also learned was that despite what it says at the beginning of the film, the story is in fact not based on a true story as claimed. More importantly what the documentary introduced me to was the concept of "Minnesota Nice", and what an epiphany that was for me.

See folks, ever since moving out here I have been both delighted, and incredibly frustrated by the native residents of Tiny Pop land, and I was never truly able to put my finger on why untill that very moment. Now that I understand what the deal is out here I finally understand why it is both a wonderful and at the same time an incredibly irritating thing for me. For the most part the people here in Tiny Pop Land are all simply being "Minnesota Nice".

If you google the term "Minnesota Nice" you will find the following definition:

"Minnesota nice is the steriotypical behavior of long-time Minnesota residents to provide hospitality and courtesy to others. The term is also sometimes used in a derogatory way, to connote a sort of smiling stubbornness, forced politeness,false humility or passive-aggressive hostility."

Oh my God what an eye opener that was. Now it literally makes so much sense. For the most part people in Tiny Pop Land are so concerned about being polite and hospitable that trying to get them to actually say what they are thinking or feeling is about as likely as pounding a nail into a board with your forehead, and nearly as painful. It is apparently something that is ingrained into them from birth, and is both a blessing and a curse.

As a sales rep you can only imagine how frustrating it is when a person refuses to simply say "no" only because they don't wish to offend you. You literally have to drag it out of them. Finding out the reason why can be even more stressful. See a good sales rep can certainly do something with a "yes", and can even do something with a "no" if they understand the reason behind it, but what we get out here is something I have come to refer to as the "Midwestern Probably", and it drives me batshit insane whenever I hear it, because it doesn't mean anything one way or the other. To make matters worse I find myself using it now more and more too, and that scares the bejesus out of me.

Coming from the East Coast where people are more inclined to make no bones about what they are thinking and will eagerly share such in a straightforward manner, you can imagine the culture shock I have been adjusting to out here in the last year or so. I mean don't get me wrong like most I prefer a friendly wave of the hand to a flipping of the bird, but out here in hindsight knowing what I know now, you simply will never truly know whether someone is waving hello, or really flipping you the bird with four fingers instead of just one.

Given the headache this can create in a business scenario, one can only begin to fathom what this can do on a more personal level. I finally understand why so many of the women I have met out here can't be bothered to say how they really feel, and likewise why so many find my particular brand of brutal honesty so appealing and attractive, at least for a little while. It is simply something new and refreshing that they aren't accustomed too. Good for them I guess, but really sucks for me who prefers to hear what's what straight up, and feels like a moron looking for a quarter in the corner of a round room every time I try to figure out what the fuck is going on.

Now there are inherently good things about being "Minnesota Nice" too. If you prefer to avoid any conflict to the point of never actually resolving anything well this is surely the place for that. If you prefer a smile to a scowl regardless of what lies behind that smile you will find plenty of that here too. If you are searching for a feel good peice of mind sensibility where you can collect your thoughts despite the fact that they might eat you up inside, well by all means "Minnesota Nice" is the way to be. That said you can just as easily obtain the same peice of mind with a good prescription of prozac, which is dispensed like candy out here. Go figure?

Seriously though, people are incredibly, and I would like to believe genuinely helpful, and hospitable out here in Tiny Pop Land. More so anyways than where I came from, which is a fact I confess I am still rather enamored with regardless of whether that sense of hospitality is genuine or simply forced by some communal cultural edict of the region. Nice can be nice no matter how it's dished out.

"Minnesota Nice" means you can be sure that If you are broken down on the road, there is little doubt someone will stop to help you, and that is a good thing. If you are likely to be home too late to do it yourself, someone will bring your trash cans in from the curb for you so they don't go blowing down the street. If you are away for a while and your grass gets too long, someone will cut it for you. I have experienced all these things out there, and found it both surprising and comforting.

When I walk into a strangers home for the first time I am almost always offered some coffee or something to snack upon as well as some pleasant conversation before we get down to business. I think that is a nice thing, and albeit unsettling to someone like myself who unaccustomed to such, it is probably just as unsettling as my straightforward nature is to those who are "Minnesota Nice". It makes for both some fun and awkward moments to be sure. That said, now that I know what "Minnesota Nice" is all about I will be able to better spot the sincere from the insincere, or in the least understand what is going on, and in a way that is a nice thing too.

Have fun ;)!